The Fear of Not Being Liked

God has been really showing me my fears lately. The newest one is being ridiculed for my eating habits and/or disrespecting others for bringing my own food.

I’ve been on a health journey the last several years, trying to heal my digestive issues and, lately, also my acne (I found out acne can come from internal issues as well). When I was praying to God for help on this, I felt like He told me key points to follow, one of which is to eat whole foods. 

So I’ve been trying my best: milling my own flour from whole grains and baking, using dehydrated whole cane sugar (sucanat) instead of processed sugar, eating brown rice instead of rice, making sauces and dressings and desserts and food from scratch instead of trusting in the store’s ingredients. And I’ll tell yall, I have felt and seen a difference. My skin is smoother and my stomach no longer hurts. To put it bluntly: I can poop regularly and I’m not as gassy. I also used to get stomach pains that I haven’t been experiencing. My cramps are also not as severe! (Still praying for no cramps at all, in Jesus’ name!)  

I noticed that when I do eat processed foods, specifically sweets, I start to break out or - to put it frankly again - get constipated or more gassy. I’m usually okay with a little bit of processed foods, but when I think I can handle more, I get proven wrong.

I say all this to unpack the fear the Lord has been revealing to me, a fear that I now renounce, in Jesus’ name: the fear of not being liked. That’s really the root, and it has been coming up with my food. When I’m invited over for a meal, I’m so grateful that someone else is willing to provide for us and that I get a break from cooking. But I also hesitate because I don’t want to go backwards with my health and eat food that will make me feel bad or break out. Sometimes I think it’ll be okay because it doesn’t happen too often, but then I realize it happens enough times to make a difference. 

So, to resolve my hesitancy in attending the meal, I decide on bringing my own food to supplement anything I can’t eat. They’re providing bread or pancakes - I’ll bring my own bread to make toast. They’re providing chips - I’ll bring jasmine brown rice. They’re providing desserts  - I’ll bring the cookies I made so I don’t get tempted to eat their delicious treats. This sounds great to me. However, I also feel like anyone watching me bring all this to their meal would think I’m being too much or feel disrespected because they bought and/or prepared food for everyone that I’m not going to partake in. So, the question that I have been wrestling with lately is if I should still bring the food?

It may seem silly, and maybe it is. But it exposes that fear of not being liked. I don’t want people to make fun of me; I want them to like me. I don’t want them to feel disrespected by me; I want them to like me. I don’t want to ruffle feathers or cause tension or anything. I just want to feel better. I just want to not deal with pain and acne anymore. And maybe that is worth facing the fear of not being liked. Especially because, as God is reminding me, it’s based on assumption and not fact, and I shouldn’t live for others’ approval. 

Now, the question is, how to do I love people well without basing it on their liking me? 

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (I Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4‬-‭7‬ ‭NKJV‬).”

I guess none of that sounds like, Love makes sure people like you. Or, Love requires eating what hurts you to please others.  

So, thank You, God, for that wake-up call, that I don’t need to fear other people’s approval of me when You just called us to love them, that living to be liked by people is not the same as loving them. And I ask that You’d help me communicate well when I need to prevent any dishonoring, in Jesus’ name, amen! 

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