The Growth in the Journey

I realize I want a perfect life. That’s what I’ve been working so hard for. That’s what I’ve been praying so much for. That’s what I’ve been obeying so precisely for. If all things are perfect and all things occur as I’d like them to, I avoid experiencing pain again. 

Maybe I’ve never properly grieved about anything, or at least some things, to feel such a deep desire and motivation to avoid pain. Maybe there’s some unforgiveness locked away. Maybe there’s some scabbed-over hurt that keeps being picked at. Maybe every small hurt, every disappointment, every wake-up call, adds to the pile of hurt that hasn’t yet been sorted through and addressed. 

I want my life to be perfect because, to me, perfect means a never-ending feeling of joy where I never have to experience pain again. 

But I’m starting to also realize - or really God’s making me realize - that if I try to avoid experiencing pain by either trying in my own strength to succeed and control or pushing down the disappointments, I’ll miss out on that character growth the Bible talks about, and, thus, miss out on perfection.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. - James 1:2–4

It seems to be that it’s not about having the perfect life but being the perfect self. And that doesn’t come through our efforts but through our submission to Christ, keeping the faith even through trials and suffering. 

The members in my life group yesterday solidified what I’ve been pondering the last few days: maybe it’s not about the destination or even the journey but about how you grow during the journey. 

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