It’s Time to Find Rest

Rest. It’s a good notion, one that I’m trying to do. God’s been telling me it’s what I need, and He’s been teaching me what it can look like.

It’s funny because often I think, Wow, how nice would it be if I could just relax and rest right here, often just when I’m in our prayer room, on the floor, listening to a chill worship set, or when I’m lying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, not ready to sleep yet. When I just want a break. But that thought is often followed by the realization that I don’t have time to right now, I have to do something, whether that’s hurry up and finish my Bible-reading before I have to get ready for work or that’s that I have to leave the house soon. Or at least, that’s often my perception, that I don’t have time. But God’s showing me that I need to make time, to rest. And it’s funny because, when I finally do make time, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m wasting time or like I’m doing something wrong, like there’s no possible way God wants me to just do nothing right now when there are so many things that I need to do, that I want to do, that I… feel… called to? Even as I write it, I know something’s wrong, because God calls us to rest as well. 

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work…” (Exodus 20:8-10). God rested on the seventh day and He calls us to as well. Why has it become so hard? 

My excuse is that I live in America where you have to work as much as possible to make it big. But I don’t know that that’s really true, and it truly is an excuse. I think my true reason is that, deep down, I don’t want to be seen by God as lazy because I saw growing up that lazy is one of the worst, unlikeable things you can be. And I also don’t want to delay anything God is wanting to do because I’m so eager to see the visions he’s shown my husband and me, and I can live in that instead of being content in where He has me right now. Patience is another thing God is working on in me, and I’m grateful, because I know I need it. So thank You, Lord.

Rest. It’s a good notion, but why is it so hard to do? Maybe I don’t realize how much it would change my life. Maybe it’s like how you don’t realize how good it is to work out until you actually do it, stick to it, and see the benefits six months later. Or when you actually cut out sugar and see the benefits to your skin and abs. But when you don’t actually start, it’s hard to convince yourself that it’s worth it. Or maybe it’s even like when you start something, feel how great it is, but then you get caught up in the distractions of life and stop for a while and forget how great it was and convince yourself that you don’t need it. That’s how I’ve been treating rest. 

I used to take rest very seriously - the Sabbath, really. I would work really hard on Saturday, scrubbing the floors, meal prepping for the week, making sure everything was clean and in order, so that Sunday I could do nothing but enjoy the fruits of the labor, rest, and do whatever I wanted (which usually included attending a bunch of church services because I just loved church and hanging out with my friends without the pressure to have to leave because I needed to go do something else). But when I moved and got into ministry and my rhythm was off because my day to rest now included working and my day to prep now included working (I worked part-time at a clothing store and the church sometimes had Saturday events), I forgot about my need to rest and didn’t think it was worth sacrificing to make sure I had one untouchable day every week where I could not be bothered to come into work. 

Since then, I’ve tried on and off to have a rest day. Even now, I’ve decided that Saturdays are the days I rest. But Joshua and I have used that day to go places, travel, have fun, go to events, whatever it is we feel, and somehow we come home, exhausted, telling ourselves that next time we’re just going to do nothing. But that next time hardly ever comes. 

I want it to change, Lord. I want to actually rest and not feel exhausted or overwhelmed all the time because I’ve neglected it. I want to actually be still and recognize the importance of it. I want to take it seriously like You’ve encouraged me to take my eating, exercising, sleeping, and YouTube seriously. I want to try to do nothing and be okay with it. Help me, Lord. Help me to just stop and let You do the work while I rest. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen.