Trying Even When It’s Hard

 Trying even when it’s hard 


When I was in middle school, I worked hard to get straight A’s. I wanted to get as high as grades as I could, even adding on extra credit where possible, because, at the time, I thought doing well in middle school would get me into a good college. Though that wasn’t exactly true, it did help me get into the honors classes in high school, which helped me get into college. 

However, high school was a lot harder than middle school. No more were the 3-page chapters with big fonts in our textbooks. No more did my notes alone suffice enough to get the near 100% score I was used to. I had reached a new level of difficulty, and I actually had to pay full attention in class and take more time to do my homework and study. But soon I got used to it. It became my norm, and I regained confidence that I could still get the good grades. By the time I graduated, I was ranked number two in the classes and off to a top university. I had worked just hard enough to reach my first goal of getting into one of the best colleges in the country. Now onto my next goal: graduate from that college so that I could get a good-paying job and finally be financially stable. 

I was confident I could do well in school as I had been all of my life, but as I sat down to do my first few assignments and the questions went beyond my head, I started to question if I could even graduate. 

But I need to get that good job, so I pushed and studied and worked hard to keep my grades up. It took far more effort, time, and focus than it did in middle school or high school, but I was motivated and had a deep-rooted why. I didn’t want to struggle with money like I had seen my parents do all my life. They were often stressed, tired, and unhappy. At least it appeared that way. And it made me sad for them. I couldn’t live like that. So I made a point to avoid it and tried my best in school, even when it was hard. 

God’s been calling me lately to try again, to go all in, even when it’s hard. I must have been out of school too long, because I’ve forgotten what that was like. And I think my why isn’t deeply-rooted enough. Or, maybe, I don’t believe enough that my trying will pay off. I had confidence in school that it would. I knew what it took to get into a good college and get a good job, and I did those things. I knew it because it’s what I’d been told all my life and what I’d seen from others. What He’s calling me to do, to work hard at and to try, I want to obey. I want to go all in. But I think the lack of belief I have over whether or not it would pay off, all the sacrifice and time spent and mental and physical energy, is holding me back from going all in.

That’s where I’m at right now, so I pray God help me. 

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