Seeking Stability Over The LORD: An Honest Confession

I used to have a formula for peace based on Philippians 4: rejoice in the Lord and worship Him, pray and present all your requests to Him, thank Him, and read His Word, thinking on what is true and righteous and noble, etc. So, essentially, it was to pray, to worship, and to read the Bible. As long as I did those three things, my day would be more peaceful than anxious.

I’ve tried to keep that discipline up because, as you may know from my last post or even previous posts/communications, peace is something I deeply desire and often ask from God. But I think I’ve been slacking. 

My worship has been sometimes, in the background, or for a purpose like YouTube or the worship team at church. My prayers have been frequent, though mostly for others as I try not to worry about them, and not as much all of my feelings laid at His feet. My Bible-reading, by the grace of God and the help of The One Year Bible put together by Jack Hibbs’ ministry, has been consistent, though God still often has to remind me how important and great it is to read.

I spend time with the LORD because I want to be closer to Him, but do I give Him my all? And do I trust that He can handle it? I don’t think so. 

I think I’ve been getting so worried about bad things happening or things getting off course that I’ve been forgetting about the relationship part with the Lord, our talking to each other, enjoying each other’s company, laughing even, resting, just being there. How sweet a time that would be. 

God gave me this revelation a few weeks ago, when I was at a prayer room. He reminded me that, at the end of the day, time with Him is about our relationship and just being with Him, listening to Him not just to know what to do next but just to hear from Him, like I would a friend or a father. So when I sat there and asked how He was doing, He showed me a vision of how peaceful it is to rest in Him, all storms falling away as I rest in His arms, like when Jesus slept during the storm. The storm may still be going on, but with God, I can be at peace, because He controls the storm and He loves me and takes care of me.

I know I need to give myself more time to have consistent moments like that with Him, just enjoy our relationship. I know that’s probably most important. I think I’m struggling, though, to believe that that would be enough for my life to be at peace like I want it to be, that that’s truly what’s most important, that if I focused on nothing else in my time with God but building our relationship, I would be in His Will. 

What do You say, God? What does it look like to be in Your presence with a focus on You and building our relationship and not on my life and making it better?

For those reading, where has your focus been when it comes to your time with God? I think mine has been on myself and my worries and trying to make sure all is good in my life and in my mind instead of on revering and acknowledging the LORD truly for who He is, wanting to get to know Him more out of love and curiosity. For that, LORD, I am sorry. 


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