I Surrender. It’s All in His Hands.

I struggle with trust, trusting that someone else’s way is better than mine, even if I know they know more than I do, like God Himself. I’m not sure where that stems from, but I’m guessing a lot of my stress is rooted in a lack of trust of the Father. I want to trust that His way is better, even if it’s different than what I want it to be. I think I get caught up in the questions: What if He’s not working on our behalf and that’s why it didn’t happen as I expected? What if I didn’t pray enough like Daniel did for those 21 days to make sure the angels keep fighting? Or what if I didn’t ask the right questions or even obey as I ought or the person I’m praying for didn’t obey so things didn’t work out so I have to now fix things on my own because God won’t? 

You see how that can be some faulty thinking that gets me down a spiral? Do you ever think like this? 

It’s really not until now that I even fully acknowledged those questions. They’ve led my actions, but I didn’t realize those questions, those doubts and worries, are what’s led me to try to control situations, even people, because of my lack of trust in God, His power, His grace, and His love. 

Some months ago, my friend, led by God, told me to let go. At the time, she was referring to letting go of my husband, because I wanted him to just be better, to be well, to just do these things and he would be so. I was trying to figure out a way to fix him, so to speak, though I didn’t see it as that at the time. Now, as I’m writing it out, I realize that’s what it was. I wanted to fix him. And still struggle with that now. And when I couldn’t do it myself, I wanted to convince God to make him better and get him to do the things I think he should do to be better. (If that’s not trying to control, I don’t know what is.) But my friend made me realize that I needed to let him go and let God take care of him. I needed to surrender. 

Since then, I’ve been trying. I even put a sticky note on my monitor at work that says, “Let him go. God’s got him.” It’s when I don’t see the change that makes me waver in faith, in trust in God. At the end of the day, though, God’s helping me realize it’s all rooted in pride. I think I know better, how things should go to get the outcome that I think should occur. And I think I can make it happen, more than God can. I trust myself more than the God Almighty. And for that, I am truly sorry. 

I didn’t realize when I started this blog post that it would just be my confessions, but, hey, the Bible says to confess your sins to one another, so I hope y'all are okay with this and are praying for me that I may be healed (James 5:16). 

But honestly, do any of you struggle with this, letting go and letting God handle it when you truly have no control? I don’t have any control over my husband, even when I tell myself I could. I could tell him he should do all these things, but, at the end of the day, it’s up to him to do them. And who’s to say my things are the right things anyway? And that his things aren’t better or that God - who is in him as the Holy Spirit - isn’t already working in him like He is me? Of course He is, because He is God, who is faithful and who loves us both as His children. 

So, God, I ask, like that one serenity prayer, that You help me and those reading to surrender to You the things (and people) we cannot change, change the things we can (like our habits and choices), and help us truly to know the difference. Help us set aside our pride and fear and truly trust You, the One who knows better and who is all powerful, the only One who can change hearts and make a difference. For without You, we are nothing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

When we surrender, we can truly walk in the freedom God has offered us through Christ. Check out my YouTube video to learn more about our freedom in Christ and what that looks like here.

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