Hope Heals: How God Used Hope to Heal Me From Depression

Healing - Could hope bring healing to the masses?

I heard a pastor say that our worries can strip us of hope. Worry has been a struggle my whole life, but I know hope has been battling for my attention, especially lately. For some reason, God keeps bringing that word to mind. I wonder if that is my word for the year: "hope." I said in my most recent YouTube video - which you can watch here - that there was a time when I didn't have hope, when I was depressed and didn't much look forward to my future ahead, I didn't think it'd be much better. Though, that's not the full story. I did have hope that I would meet a man who loved me and I him and we'd get married, and that hope kept me going. Now that hope wasn't enough to remove the depression, heal my heart, actually make me super excited for life, but it was enough, as I said, to keep me going. Until it wasn't, until I realized that I needed something more, and that relying on a man to make me happy and give me hope wasn't working because people make mistakes and let me down. God was working in me, helping me realize that I needed Him. So when I started seeking Him, the hope for a better life — that was depleted by people telling me not to pursue my gifts and instead pursue financial stability, depleted by heartbreak after heartbreak of men seeming to not like me enough to commit, depleted by sleep paralysis igniting more fear in my soul — started to be restored. 

I still remember the evening when I was in my room, back in 2018, seeking the Lord. I don't even remember what I was doing - probably praying? God showed me that I could do all the things that I had a burning desire in my heart to do since I was a kid, that I could act, sing, write, make movies, etc. He showed me that I didn't have to be afraid of failure when I'm following Him, because He makes things happen. He gave me a hope for a future for which I actually longed, and made me excited to follow Him into a life that I was told I couldn't have. The hope He gave me in that moment lifted my depression entirely, because I was excited for my future ahead. I knew it was going to be good. And I still have that hope today, by the grace of God and by the faith He's put in me. 

I feel like God had already blessed me with the gift of faith and hope because, growing up, I still had a faint hope that my life could be good, maybe, possibly, but that faith and hope were dulled by the lies of the enemy and were twisted by the lust of world, that money and a husband is what would make my life good, not necessarily Jesus Christ. I think in that moment, God restored a pure faith and hope to my soul.

The past couple years, the devil has tried to dull that hope again, with fears, doubts, disappointments, hurt, but lately, God has been restoring and healing me once again, reminding me what He showed me and what I'll do by His grace. He's been reigniting my hope for the future. I had asked Him to help me be excited to get out of bed again, to look forward to my day. I had been begging Him to do that for months, possibly years at that point. I wasn't depressed -- thank you, God, never again! -- but I was weary and burdened and forgot what I was living for, really. And God's answer to my prayer was refreshing my hope, and that healed me once again. Now I have faith that He'll do what He said He would do, and I have hope that I'll enjoy it. It's still a healing in progress, but I feel God's hand doing miracles in me, and I'm so thankful. 

I say all this to show how hope, pure hope, a hope that looks toward what is true, can really heal. It healed me of depression, so I know it can heal the masses. That's what the world needs: hope for a purpose-filled life, one they were gifted for; hope of a life God wants to give them and not what people have said they will have; hope for healing and purpose and a calling; hope for love and peace and joy; hope for God's strength and comfort in the time of struggle; and hope for God's protection in the spiritual war that we're in.

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